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Post by selina on May 11, 2007 19:14:54 GMT
This is a fanfic I was going to make into a flash animation when I get Flash. Well here it goes.
A seedrian with red hair woke up on a prison cell bed. She was one of the 9 tenths that didn't have the rare seedrian gene, so she couldn't escape. She noticed by the symbols on the walls and the soldier guard that this was a GUN military prison compound. She said how could this happen, I just landed on the planet earth and now I am in this cell?
Same with you too, replied another male seedrian.
she said yes as well. My name is dandelion, what is yours?
The male replied, You can call me weed.
Suddenly the lights went out and a scream was heard followed by crashing noises. The lights went back on and the soldier guard was seen dead on the floor. Dandelion yelled, ahhh that guy is dead. What could have killed him.
Weed noticed the keycard on the floor near his cell. He quickly grabbed it and opened his cell. When out of nowhere a spider-like metarex appeared. He quickly destroyed it with the dead guard's gun.
Dandelion said, Metarex, I thought they were destroyed, how could they have returned?
Weed answered, I don't know and don't want to know. Now let me go fetch my swords he said. Oh and use this to escape and weed threw the keycard to dandelion. Dandelion grabbed it and then grabbed some guns from the armory close to her cell. Soon two more spider metarex attacked but were quickly destroyed by a few shots from Dandelion and some slices from Weed.
They quickly ran up the stairs. Soon a soldier was on guard duty when he heard something.
Who is there? the soldier said. Soon he saw hundreds of spider metarex and said OH MY LORD!!
quickly Dandelion and Weed were out to destroy them all. Dandelion shot at them using some 4-shot RPG's and laser rifles, while Weed used his swords and hacked his way through.
After the metarex in the room were killed, Dandelion said, we did a great job. Weed replied, but this is only the beginning, for those metarex must still be after what they originally wanted, the planet eggs and chaos emeralds.
End of Part One
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Post by CSD on May 12, 2007 20:15:58 GMT
First off, there are such things as quotation marks. And exclamation points. Secondly, try to think of another word other than "said" for speaking parts; are they tired, angry, or bored? Should they be shouting or whispering when they speak? Some variation in language would keep it from getting dry. Thirdly, you jump ahead of important pieces of movement. Weed destroy's the spider-metarex with the dead guards gun, right? We never even see him pick it up! It's an okay start, but you really need to work on it.
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Post by selina on May 12, 2007 23:04:59 GMT
I see your point, but it will be much better once I make it into a flash animation. I will explain how the metarex came back to power in another chapter. I don't know how male seedrians look like so I didn't describe him. The next chapter will show three new characters as well.
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Post by selina on May 14, 2007 21:07:39 GMT
Here is Part 2 but first here is some thing to know. First of all, this takes place 1 year after Tails grew Cosmo back from the seed. Second, part two is when Cosmo's siters land on Earth to find thier long lost sister. In case you do not know thier names or looks here is them on this link. content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/f/f4/180px-Cosmo_and_sisters.jpg . The blue one is Galaxina, the red one is Selina (named after me), the red and dark green one with the hair over her eyes is Pansy, and the blue and green fat one is Chrysanthemum. Part Two Elsewhere, three seedrians were going into a building. They all had the same powers as Cosmo. They also wielded plant weapons that they could call back to thier hands at any time. The first one was Selina, who wielded a thorn spear, a long stick with a big thorn on the end. The second one Galaxina, wielded a Rose Scythe, a giant rose with a large thorn that looked like a scythe blade. The third one, Pansy wielded a petal axe, a long flower which had two petals as sharp as axe blades. They all were going into a large building where thier fourth sister, Chrysanthemum had something to tell them. "When is she going to be here" said Selina angrily. Pansy replied " you'd think she would be first here because she sent us here." Galaxina answered "well she had better be here soon because I get really impatient most times." Chrysanthemum stepped into the room. "Hello sisters, I am glad to see you" she said kindly. Galaxina asked "why did you bring us here." Chrysanthemum told them "I really wanted to see my sisters again, and tell them that the Metarex have returned." Pansy yelled "Impossible Sonic and his friends destroyed every metarex lord including Dark Oak!" Chrysanthemum told her "Oh it's possible because there is a sixth Metarex lord that still has control of the army; Her name is Gray Rose, but we can call her Hertia, our mom." Selina screamed "Our Mother is now part of the metarex?!" Chrysanthemum said "Oh yes, and so have I, for I want you to join us; join and gain ultimate power beyond your wildest dreams!" They all yelled "Never, the Metarex tried to kill all animal life, we can't let you do this!" Chrysanthemum replied "If you do not wish to join, then I'm afraid I must insist." Suddenly Chrysanthemum pulled a flamethrower out from behind her and began to atack them with it. Galaxina drew her Rose Scythe and shot a shockwave from it, but Chrysanthemum dodged it and burned Pansy badly in the side. Chrysanthemum ran away and said "Oh well you'd all make very nice additions to the Metarex, but now I am going to assasinate the ones who nearly destroyed the metarex before, Cosmo and Tails, Hahahahahahah!" Galaxina exclaimed "We got to warn them that they are going to be killed!" Selina looked at Pansy and judged her burn, "It is okay" she told Galaxina "it is only a flesh wound on her, a little water will grow it back." Galaxina answered "Who cares, she could have killed her with that flamethrower." Suddenly, Galaxina saw many Metarex marcing toward their position. Some were normal soldiers, others looked like giant scorpions, and there was one which looked like a giant dragon with digger claws. "We have got company, lots of bad company," Galaxina warned them, "you take care of Pansy while I take care of the Metarex. Galaxina jumped out the window with her Rose Scythe in her hand. She quickly hacked through all the scorpion metarex. suddenly a soldier knocked it out of her hand , but Galaxina wa not finished, for she took them out with Kung Fu moves. When out of nowhere, the dragon one popped out of the ground. Galaxina summoned back her scythe and chopped its head off. then quickly dispatched the rest. Meanwhile, Selina was taking out large insect metarex from inside the building and had lost an arm when two fired missiles at the building. Pansy and Selina jumped out and got out safely. Galaxina told them "We have to find Tails and Cosmo and warn them before the Metarex get to them." Selina and Pansy got some water and healed thier wounds the replied "yes we must or our littlest sister will die. End of Part Two
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Post by selina on May 24, 2007 1:32:52 GMT
Here is part three. And a little more information, you may want to check out my Cosmo's true powers topic before you read this one. Also after plenty of serious ones, here is a funny one.
Back at Tails's workshop, Tails, Amy, Cream, Cheese, and Cosmo were enjoying thier first anniversary party and it was all going good. When suddenly Cosmo's sisters came through the door. They told them about the Metarex and what had happened.
"We have to hide from them" said Cosmo, "we can't let them get us." Amy replied, "If the Metarex are back, then we must protect the Planet Egg." Tails answered, "I did a lot in case something bad like this happened luckily, first I rebuilt the Blue Typhoon so we can fight back, second I have the X tornado upgraded, and third; and mostly because Me, Cream, Cheese, and Amy, were the only ones compatible with some of Cosmo's DNA, We did DNA surgery on us and now we all taste sweet, can mold ourselves, and can regrow lost limbs, and even someting happened and Amy can melt and shrink, and Cream can break into shards, and Cheese can share her powers with others, so we are ready to take on anything they bring."
Galaxina said, "that is very good, but we must hide now!" Pansy cut in and said, "hey I have an idea for a great hiding spot, If you guys were having dinner, than we should make a second course, ourselves!"
They got to work on it. Cosmo was first, she made herself into a hot dog and added ketchup and relish and put herself out on the table. Amy was second, she made herself into an ice cream sundae with whipped cream, sprinkles, and a cherry on top. Galaxina was third, she molded herself into a double cheeseburger with pickles, onions, tomatoes, and extra cheese. Selina and Pansy were next, Selina made herself into slices of bread and Pansy made herself into slices of baloney and they stacked together with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, and mayonaisse, to become a triple decker, baloney, tomato, lettuce, and cheese sandwich. Then came cream, she made herself into a big, three layercake with icing and other toppings. Finally came Tails, he made himself into a BLT (bacon, lettuce, and tails) with mustard sandwich. Soon they all were well disgused as a tasty dinner.
Cream said, "we look so yummy, I wish I could eat myself." Cosmo replied "I don't think this is a good hiding spot, what if someone like Sonic comes and eats us, then what do we do? Tails heard something and said "quiet I hear something.
Just then a metarex busted down the door and more came in. They all watched as metarex swarmed thorughout the place, looking for them. Eventually They gave up and reported to thier master, "We have found no traces of Tails or Cosmo," then they left. Amy, Cream, Cosmo, Cheese, Tails, and Cosmo's sisters waited until they were sure the Metarex were gone. Then they undid thier looks and went back to being themselves.
"We have to warn the others", said Tails, "I'll fire up the X tornado and get to Sonic right away." "We'll come too said the others," for the Metarex must be stopped again or else who knows what they will do now!"
End of Part three
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Post by §Tsunami§ on May 24, 2007 6:32:04 GMT
Very interesting story, and it was really good, but it could have been more suspensful, (Its a neat skill if you can learn it.) As stated before, try not to use said too much. Other words you could use are spoke, stated, commented, noted, observed, warned, replied, retorted, muttered, and many others. Overall, you are getting better as you write more. Good!
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Post by selina on May 24, 2007 20:57:41 GMT
I will try to use more than just said, yet i did use other words like replied, answered, yelled, and screamed. I may not have been suspenseful that much, but you have to admit, that the first two parts had some great action and part three was funny when they all made themselves look like a tasty dinner. I am getting good so far anyways.
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Post by §Tsunami§ on May 25, 2007 10:19:37 GMT
You're getting more than just good. You're getting a lot more experienced. (I'm an experienced author myself, but I haven't published any stories yet, though I have one that is over 200 pages.) And you are right when you say it is funny, and I can't wait for the next one.
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Post by selina on May 25, 2007 20:04:45 GMT
I don't know what the next one will be like, but I might add eggman, decoe, bocoe, and bokkun, and some other eggman robots. I will also use something from sonic rivals, that is that the metarex use the technology from Eggman Nega (or a modified version of it) to turn Chris, Rouge, and Vanilla (Cream's other) into cards or something else like plushies or figurines. Then they have to rescue them and stop the metarex once again from stealing the planet eggs and chaos emeralds. Eggman might have some of the emeralds as well.
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Post by selina on May 28, 2007 19:02:30 GMT
I forgot to show how weed and dandelion look like. Dandelion has red hair and a purple dress. she is short in size and her head looks like this version of cosmo from this screenshot, www.teamartail.com/sonicx/viewimage.php/65/images/052.JPG . Weed looks like a male seedrian who is black and has orange clothes. His hair is spiky and he wears a headband. He is very much like a ninja with his sleek body.
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Post by selina on Jun 2, 2007 12:55:59 GMT
Here is part 4, this one gets us back to Weed and Dandelion's story. Well here it goes. check out his link to see what Asher, the new character and Heritia, (or gray Rose as we now call her look like, www.sonicanime.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=13126&hl=cosmo . Part 4 Meanwhile, Weed and Dandelion were out looking for the way out of the prison compound while looking for important items and any other seedrians being held there. It was a dangerous journey, for metarex had already swarmed throughout the building. Soon they managed to reach the docking ports when a whole bunch of GUN soldiers held them at gunpoint. Weed tried to deflect thier bullets with his swords but couldn't hold them off for long. Dandelion gave him some assistance by hijacking an F-6T Big Foot mech and finishing off the rest. Soon they were outside of the base, which they found out was a small outpost on an island when they saw something heading towards them, something big. The GUN soldiers inside were checking the radar when one noticed the thing and yelled "what is that!" The large thing landed right beside them, it looked like a huge, winged, humanoid mech of Eggman's about the size of the outpost. It had huge guns and spikes on its back. Weed and Dandelion thought they were goners until a small seedrian came out of the cockpit. She told them her name was Asher and had escaped one of Eggman's bases by hijacking the mech. Dandelion and Weed told them thier names and they all hopped aboard the mech. "You know we should blow up this base," said Weed, "those GUN soldiers tried to kill us and thet are bad guys." Asher answered "no, they help the humans so they are actually good guys, besides it would make us no better than they are." Weed replied "c'mon, it is just one base, and the metarex have already taken it over." Asher still was firm with it and told him "we cannot let all these innocent people die." "Move over you wuss" Weed yelled and then he pushed Asher off the seat and took control of the mech. He then flew it into the sky and charged up its positron laser cannon. Asher screamed "NO DON'T DO THIS!!!" She was too late, for Weed already blew it shy high. "Score one for the Seedrians" weed cheered. Asher came over and slapped him in the face then took back the controls. "That was horrible of you" Asher said, "you killed so many GUN soldiers with that." Dandelion conforted her and told her "well what's done is done, I'll make sure he doesn't do it again, now lets get out of here." So then they flew away in the Mech and went to see what the source of the metarex returning was. End of part 4
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Post by selina on Jun 3, 2007 13:24:07 GMT
Here is part 5, oh and I will be using music from Final Fantasy Advent Children, Metroid Prime, and Sonic games in the Flash animation version. Check out his link to see what the Ballios robot of Eggman's looks like www.teamartail.com/sonicx/viewimage.php/10/images/070ballios.jpg . Part 5 Later that night, Weed, Dandelion, and Asher were flying over Prison Island, a GUN base that was heavily damaged after shadow once bombed the place. "Wow, this is some mech, Eggman must have put some hard work into this mech." said Dandelion. Asher replied "Yes, it was an experimental super-weapon that Eggman had been designing and had created with heavy armor, powerful weapons, and some of his most advanced technology; I hijacked it because it could have caused some huge damage to major cities, or the entire world."I see that, after seeing what it did to that GUN outpost" Weed remarked. Suddenly Asher noticed something on her radar. It was not a jet or something of that sort, it was something huge. A message came up on screen from it saying "this is GUN, you are under arrest for destruction of a GUN outpost, surrender yourselves or be destroyed." When out of nowhere, a huge GUN mech appeared. It resembled a Ballios Eggman robot but with only one eye. It had a whip on its one wrist and its other arm was a gun. It did not have legs but hover rockets where its legs should be. Asher told its pilot, "I will not surrender, so if you want a fight, you have got it. She then made her mech draw its sword to fight. The GUN mech began blasting at her with its gun, but Asher's mech had strong armor, and it did nothing to it. She then stabbed it in the chest and punched it into a wall. The GUN mech seemed unactive at the time, so she prepared to finish it. But the Mech came back online and grabbed her with its whip. She then threw it up in the air and blasted it to oblivion with the Positron laser cannon. Asher sobbed after the huge fight "I had to do it" and then flew off so that GUN wouldn't find out. For she had to find out how the metarex have returned and eradicate them once and for all, just like she did to that GUN mech. End of part 5
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Post by §Tsunami§ on Jun 4, 2007 6:06:59 GMT
I must add that your story gets better as you get more experienced, but I have a few suggestions as well. Though you are a novice author, you may want to note that everytime dialogue switches to a different person, it is a start of a new paragraph. (I have seen authors rarely do otherwise, and if they have, never more than once or twice.) Otherwise a blooming piece of work, and I must add, I love the word eradicate, seems a cooler and not so harsh way of saying destroy.
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Post by Olivia on Jun 4, 2007 6:53:13 GMT
I really, really love your story. I think you've given me inspiration for me to write my own. (I am a fantastic writer, often honored for my talent.) Perhaps you'll be able to recieve a taste soon! Lastly, Tsunami did have a point with the dialogue. You might want to consider making that adjustment. Otherwise, I love your dedication to your work.
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Post by selina on Jun 4, 2007 21:45:16 GMT
I know, but you have to admit my characters are really cool, especially my Petalis, and that mech fighting part was awesome!
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Post by selina on Jun 6, 2007 21:13:19 GMT
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Mysterious Stranger
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Post by Mysterious Stranger on Jun 7, 2007 6:52:44 GMT
I, the mysterious stranger, think your story is pretty decent, but alas, it just lacks something that makes the story good. Sure, it's funny at times, but it just lacks the "magic" that can snag a reader's heart.
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Post by selina on Jun 7, 2007 14:29:40 GMT
I was going to either let Dandelion and her crew find out more about the Metarex returning next, or switch back to Cosmo and her sisters. I was also going to have the metarex ressurect Dark Oak and then the other 4 Metarex lords
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Post by selina on Jun 10, 2007 14:24:50 GMT
This is part 6, in this one, Dark oak is revived and they begin on reviving the other 4 metarex lords with help from their new member, Metalsonic and the other metal dudes. Also Dandelion is captured by the Metarex here.
Part 6
Elsewhere, somewhere inside of a metarex base, Gray rose was hard at work, checking the systems of her complex. When to her surprise, her newest member, Metalsonic, stepped out of the doorway. "My lord," Metalsonic told her "Dark oak has been revived, He is not at full power, but is alive, May I use one of our artificial Chaos emeralds to return his power to him?"
"We have very few, and they disappear after use, but we may need one to restore our leader's great power," Gray rose answered the sonic robot.
"We are hard at work on resurrecting the other 4 metarex lords, so far, Yellow Zelkova and Pale Bayleaf are almost complete," Metalsonic reported.
Gray Rose yelled "YES Soon all 6 Metarex Lords will be at full power, and the Universe shall once again fear the name of the Metarex, Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Asher had been flying for at least an hour and had already flown at least 100 miles in her mech. Dadelion asked her "This mech is amazing, how did Eggman make it this powerful, for even with his most advanced technology, He never created anything like this?"
Asher answered "Why Eggman used one of the Planet Eggs from a planet that the Metarex blew up as the power source, for planet eggs are very rich in energy and made it this powerful.
Suddenly, Weed noticed something floating in the air. It was a huge Metarex floating complex. Weed said "check this out, I bet the Metarex have something important in there, I say we should get out and check out his thing!" The others agreed and began the infiltration.
Dandelion and Weed checked the base for anything important while Asher kept an Eye on the mech. After a long while of searching, they found nothing. While they were escaping, A huge bunch of Metarex Heavy Infantry had come out to get them. Weed managed to hack his way through and took them all out, them he escaped. However Dandelion wasn't so lucky, for one captured her and fled. Weed tried to save her, but it managed to get to a ship and took off with her.
Asher tried to pursue the ship, but the ship was too fast and had already escaped. "Great, now we have to rescue Dandelion," Asher said in grief, but we don't know where she is." Asher got so mad, and used her mech to blow up the entire base. Then she flew off to find Dandelion
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Post by selina on Jun 10, 2007 17:42:02 GMT
Here is Part 7, A really exciting part that I will make in the Flash version James Bond style
Part 7
Dandelion woke up in yet another prison cell room, only this one was owned by the Metarex. She saw a guard come up to her and talk to her.
"Aha, you have finally woke up, for you have been unconscious for 4 hours already," said the guard, "You were quite successful at annihilating that air base and one of our artificial Chaos Emerald factories, however we have thousands more bases all throughout the universe and a new factory is being built as we speak, not only that but Dark Oak has been revived, and we are doing the same to the other 4 metarex lords; soon you will be experimented on and then executed if you survive."
Dandelion exclaimed, "Darn it I though we had you on the ropes there!" Dandelion then noticed a way to escape. "Hey guard, there is an intruder behind you," she said. The guard yelled "Not more intruders," then he said "hey there is no on......."
He didn't get to finish for Dandelion grabbed him by the neck and slammed his head into the bars of her cell, then she picked up the Keycard and his Metarex beam pistol and opened her cell. More guards came in, But Dandelion finished them by charging up her Beam Pistol and firing it.
She then was running for an exit when some Metarex Heavy infantry came out to attack. She quickly threw a grenade and blew them both up, then she grabbed an ID card from one. She found the Control Chamber of this Metarex Base and used her ID card to gain access. She found the main computer and sent a message to Weed and Asher saying "Weed, Asher, this is Dandelion, I am in a Metarex base, please rescue me I will give you the coordinates of where I am." Next she sent the coordinates. Finally she programmed the base to self-destruct in 20 minutes. This was confirmed when she heard the base computer exclaim "self destruction of base occurring in T-minus 20 minutes. She was running out when she noticed something in a secret room. It was the pink Chaos Emerald. She grabbed it, but it set off an alarm. She quickly ran out of the base to find Weed and Asher waiting for her there. She told them about what she had found and they all escaped just as the base exploded.
Asher was delighted, she told them, "we could use this Chaos Emerald to give my mech more power and give it a Chaos Emerald radar by using it power to react when another is near." And so she did, and they flew off in search of the others.
Far away, on the Metarex's main base, Chrysanthemum had some new news to bring to her master. "Yellow Zelkova, Pale bayleaf, and Black Narcissus have been revived, Red Pine is still under work."
Dark oak congratulated his minion with "excellent, I will make sure that you are promoted, for soon my army shall rise again, Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
End of part 7
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