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Post by Olivia on Jun 11, 2007 6:10:23 GMT
That guard is either stupid, or gullibe to an extreme. Besides, why would a hostage betray his/her own fellow intruders? That guard needs some guard smarts.
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Post by selina on Jun 11, 2007 14:42:34 GMT
I wanted it to have another funny gimmick by using a dumb guard. It has some suspense now that Dark oak and 3 of the other Metarex lords are back, besides wasn't it cool when she made the base self-destruct? My next part might shift back to Cosmo and her sisters. It willl involve a direct attack on Sonic and his friends houses and something bad happening to Vanilla.
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Post by §Tsunami§ on Jun 12, 2007 2:04:38 GMT
I always have a few things to say on a good story that could make it better. First of all, perhaps you should try to do more "showing" rather than "telling." It's difficult to understand and implement this concept, it is a bit advanced, but it will make your work better, and more "fantasy like", so your readers can get entranced in there. It's part of the "magic" the mysterious stranger (Strange, he hasn't made an account on here) mentioned, or so I think. Or perhaps it is something else. You'd have to ask him, really. Otherwise, the story is satisfactory.
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Post by selina on Jun 12, 2007 14:33:08 GMT
My next part will involve the Metarex creating The Ultimate Seedrian, a project involving crating 5 shadow like seedrians
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Post by selina on Jun 13, 2007 16:55:47 GMT
Here is part 8, oh and the Ultimate seedrians are introduced here. The story is supposed to be action but still have funny parts.
Part 8
A week later, Dark Oak sat on his throne, giving out orders. His army had already resurrected Red Pine, and now all 6 metarex lords were together. All he needed now was more Planet Eggs and the 7 Chaos Emeralds.
A soldier came in to his throne room and said "Dark oak, Dark oak, you will be quite pleased with this!" "We have gotten traces of DNA from sonic and his friends and some Seedrians with the rare gene and we are using it with our and some of Eggman's technology, as well as using a Planet Egg and Our Yellow Chaos Emerald to create The Ultimate Seedrians," he continued.
Dark Oak questioned, "Ultimate Seedrian, what is this going to do?"
The Metarex soldier told him, "well, it is our way of defeating Sonic and his friends, for when completed, each will have the abilities of Cosmo and her sisters as well as their own special abilities and the power to use powers such as Chaos Control, Sonic will never stand a chance against us now!"
Dark oak stepped out to see this project and saw five stasis tubes each holding an odd-looking mutant seedrian. Each had mechanical as well as organic parts. A large machine was feeding them power from a Chaos emerald and a Planet Egg. Dark oak was very pleased and added a bit of his own DNA from his Seedrian form so that they would truly be part of him.
Meanwhile, Tails had given out the word that the Metarex were back. He as well as Cosmo, Amy, Cream, and Cosmo's sisters were training with their special powers in order to get used to them and prepare what the Metarex would have in store.
Tails was having fun making himself fall apart only to reassemble himself again. He was getting good at it except for the fact that the body had trouble finding the head. Amy practiced melting to hide from her enemies which she did very well when she was in a body of water. Galaxina and Selina were swapping parts of thier bodies and seeing how they looked and fought. Pansy, Cream, and Cosmo were seeing how they could do molding themselves into shapes. They liked becoming food shapes the most, especially sandwiches because they felt mushy in the middle, could flop around, change what they had inside of them, and also look extra delicious, but not the part that everyone was trying to eat them when they were like that. Their newfound techniques would help them defeat the Metarex once again, or so they thought.
End of part 8
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Mysterious Stranger
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Post by Mysterious Stranger on Jun 14, 2007 2:48:33 GMT
Ah... the "magic" isn't there still, but there are other things evident that make the story good. There's the commitment to the story, and the "love" (love in quotes, because I mean it in several ways.) Other than that, I have no comment about the plot. Nothing negative or positive.
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Post by selina on Jun 14, 2007 11:55:07 GMT
I do have a new part that shall be explained in part 9, the powers of the Ultimate Seedrians, for each one has its own special powers to make them more powerful than a Seedrian with the rare gene. Each one's special powers are different but all can fly and use Chaos control.
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Post by selina on Jun 14, 2007 17:33:42 GMT
Here is part 9 which will involve a new group of characters making there three groups we focus on, Dandelion and Weed's crew, Cosmo and her sister's crew, and the new one, The Ultimate Seedrians.
Part 9
Two days later Gray Rose came to her master, Dark Oak, to tell him that the Ultimate Seedrian project was finished. Dark Oak came to see these artificial lifeforms and was astonished by what he saw before him.
Five mutant, cyborg, seedrians stepped out of the laboratory where they were created. The first two were mere prototypes that were finished first and did not look like much, while the other three, which were finished last, looked immensely strong and were the successful experiments.
The first one of the two prototypes was Redlon, she looked like a blue version of Cosmo in general. She had visor which housed her one mechanical eye, Two mechanical legs with wheels on the bottom for moving fast and four arms, one with a gun that could shoot an explosive shrapnel beam and one with a sword. She could fire beams from her eye that could create an orb of energy to capture the target. The other prototype, Fasres was a yellow male Seedrian. He had four legs, eyes that glowed with energy, that you could see the energy glowing from even though his hair covered one of his eyes, and a life support system where his chest jewel should be. He could stretch himself four times his original length.
The three creations that were a success started with Racar, a Petali who was orange and resembled Selina. She had two eyes, one that was mechanical and both of her arms were robotic. She could triplicate herself or make three clones of her appear or disappear whenever she wanted. She also had powers that the researchers were still looking at. The second one was Damathasar, a Petali who highly resembled a Black and red Galaxina. She had large fin shaped things protruding upward from her head near the flower on her head, a metal V on her forehead and thorns sticking out of her back. She could fire blasts of fire, lightning, ice, or energy from her hands and was the most powerful of the three. The Final one, Henassis, looked like Cosmo except for that she was gray and had no rosebuds but a daisy on her head instead. She also had three spikes similar to Gemerl's on her forehead. She could use her power to change into a blazing comet, a lightning bolt, or a tornado. All three of the experiments that made the cut were sent to find the Chaos emeralds while the two prototypes were locked away. Now Dark Oak knew that Sonic would have slim chances defeating them now!
End of part 9
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Post by selina on Jun 15, 2007 13:26:07 GMT
Here is part 10, where two of the Ultimate Seedrians turn good and go to stop the Metarex even though they created them because they overheard on their plans to kill off all non-plant life.
Part 10
After being created, the Ultimate Seedrians, Raccar, Henassis, and Damathasar were put to the test. First they went through experiments to see if they were powerful enough. Second they went through a series of training rooms. Finally, they were sent to find a Chaos Emerald and found the light blue one for them. They then were treated very well for being such great experiments. Until that day came.
The day after capturing a Chaos Emerald, Henassis and Raccar overheard what Dark Oak's plans were. He was once again going to use the forestization process and become all powerful. They were heartbroken to hear that they were merely being used to one day drain the energy from all non-plant life and give it to plant life. They were horrified and ran away in search of Sonic and his friends, for they were the ones that stopped the Metarex before and could do it again. They would not stand to be the Metarex's weapons of mass destruction. Damathasar, however, wanted to achieve Dark Oak's dream and stayed on his side.
While they were searching, Raccar encountered Damathasar in a rocky cliffed area. She told her, "I have come to stop you Damathasar, If you are with Dark Oak, then I will have to kill you, even if you are my sister."
Damathasar told her, "So you want to betray your creator, the one who gave you life, Even so, you will never defeat me, for I am the strongest of us three."
"We will see about that, unless you decide to help me destroy the Metarex, I will have to take you down,"Raccar yelled, And so they fought. Raccar threw punches in quick volleys, but was unable to harm Damathasar much. Damathasar however was very quick and beat her up like a punching bag. Poor Raccar was horribly beaten and fell to the ground.
Damathasar said "This is what you get for betraying the Metarex," and then she charged up an energy blast powerful enough to destroy the weakened Raccar. Suddenly, Henassis came and deflected the blast to save Raccar. She then came up to Damathasar and said "I see you still work for the Metarex, so let's dance!"
End of Part 10
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Post by selina on Jun 16, 2007 3:36:43 GMT
Next one involves Henassis finding her true power and badly beating Damathasar along with Reccar's help
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Post by selina on Jun 16, 2007 18:53:24 GMT
This is part 11, (wow, I wrote 11 parts so far)! This one involves the most (not gory) violence.
Part 11
Henassis looked a Damathasar, and asked her "why do you want to keep working for the Metarex, you know thier plans?"
Damathasar replied "I am quite content with them, plant life should rule the universe!"
"You will regret that decision" Henassis exclaimed and rushed towards Damathasar. Damathasar came a blocked all of Henassis's punches. Even with her lighning quick punches, Henassis was too weak to harm Damathasar enough. Damathasar counterattacked with a kick then a punch to the chest and then punched her in the head so hard, she went flying to the ground.
Damathasar looked at the weakened Henassis and said "Now to finish you, traitor," and she quickly sprinted downwards to deliver the finishing blow. When right then, Raccar came and blocked her attack, she had gotten her strength back and went to fight her evil "sister" with another try.
While they were fighting Henassis had began to call something from within her to stop Damathasar from being the ultimate weapon of the Metarex. A hidden power that she had not yet been able to use until now. A clear orb surrounded her body and split into four and encircled her. The orbs went right into her body and then energy was seen flowing from her body. She now knew she could stop Damathasar.
Henassis came in while Raccar fought Damathasar and punched the evil one so hard, it sent her flying. Damathasar went to attack her back, but now it was Henassis blocking all the punches. She beat up her sister and then grabbed her and held her still. Right then she yelled "triplicate" and a blue clone and a white clone of her appeared from her. The Orange Henassis held Damathasar while the other two beat her with as many punches and kicks as they could do. After a whole buch of beatings, She un-triplicated and threw Damathasar into the air where Raccar was ready to turn into a lightning bolt and zap her then become a tornado to suck her in and spit her out.
Dmathasar went flying and said to herself "how could this be, I was the strongest of the three and yet she does this much damage to me, I cannot let her win." She was interrupted with Raccar attacking her as a blazing comet and a blow from Henassis striking her down into a Metarex base below her.
Two guards noticed her on the floor and saw how badly injured she was. They took her quickly to a place where she could be healed for battle. Henassis and Raccar chased her into the base only to find her not there. They looked throughout the base and encountered a powerful Metarex. It looked like a normal soldier, only it had eight spider-like legs, a bulky body, and claw tipped fingers.
It noticed who they were and yelled "you are the two Ultimate Seedrian projects that betrayed us, you will be exterminated, traitors." They went to give it a punch to the chin, but saw it was fast and sqiftly darted around the room, scratching and clawing them whenever it could. Henassis triplicated herself and all three beganto chase it down through the room. One managed to grab her by the arm and pull its hand off, but it made a knife appear from where the hand was and jabbed at them. Raccar and her comet power managed to beat it, but then it said right after it was near destruction "self destruct sequence activiated." They dashed out of the room five seconds before it exploded.
They went back to hunting down Damathasar and found some ships taking off. Assuming Damathasar was aboard one of the ships, they pursued them. They managed to catch up and ground the ships, but they found out that Damathasar was never aboard the ships and those ships were all decoys.
Back in another ship, Damathasar layed wounded. She had lost her first battle with her "sisters" after underestimating them and did not know if she could take them next time. The Metarex scientists looked at her and saw if they could make changes to Damathasar to make her even more powerful then before. They also had to eradicate Henassis and Raccar, for if they made them, they could just as easily un-make them.
End of part 11
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Post by §Tsunami§ on Jun 17, 2007 1:37:53 GMT
A few spelling errors there, but nothing serious. Pretty decent.
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Post by selina on Jun 17, 2007 3:24:03 GMT
I used some basing off of stuff here. I based The Ultimate Seedrians off of Shadow. Henassis's triplicating power I got from Triplicate girl from Legion Of Superheroes and the powering up of Henassis from Super sayians from DBZ. I am running out of ideas so I don't know what will happen next. You may have to wait a little while before part 12 comes. I think I have done the most work on this fanfic, for I have more parts than anyone else here and it has the most replies and views.
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Post by Olivia on Jun 19, 2007 2:21:53 GMT
Writer's block happens to anyone. Heck, it happens to me a lot, especially right when I start! Your fan-fic is the best so far in my opinion in terms of creativity, continuity, and commitment. Sure, it may lack some of the other stuff some people were compaining about, but I think it is the best! You should brag more about this!
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Post by selina on Jun 19, 2007 11:41:36 GMT
I will think hard about part 12, it may involve Cosmo and her sisters and her gruop being attacked by the Metarex.
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Post by selina on Jun 19, 2007 14:09:57 GMT
I finally found out another part after a small writers block. So here is part 12, which is a fierce battle between sonic and his pals and the Metarex.
Part 12
Cosmo, her sisters, Tails, Cream, and Amy had already trained a lot to get ready for the Metarex. They were just in time too, for the Metarex broke in the next day in search of another Chaos Emerald. That day was their first battle with the metarex in a long time. The others fought the normal troopers while a few specific friends fought the lords and a big Metarex Mech.
Amy was first to fight, she fought against Pale Bayleaf. She fought him in the pool where she had an advantage. Pale Bayleaf was unable to grab her, because she could melt and seem to disappear into the water with him unable to get her. Amy kept sneaking up behind him and whacking him in the head with her hammer without Pale bayleaf unable to counterattack.
Cosmo and Pansy took on Black Narcissus with their weapons. No matter how much he cut them up with his staff, she could always put herself back together and fight back. Narcissus had a hard time with Pansy's petal axe and Cosmo's leaf cutter.
Galaxina dealt with a large Metarex mech they brought. Its large hands were able to squish her, but that only made her flat and still mostly unharmed. She even could have certain advantages while in this two-dimensional form.
Sonic and Rouge took on Gray rose, who they had a tough time with. Both of them had a hard time dodging her attacks and due to the fact that they did not have Cosmo's abilities, they got some serious injuries. Gray rose finished Rouge with a huge blast which blew up a 50 foot radius area. They also used a ray gun that used a similar technolgy to Eggman Nega's card changer gun to turn poor Vanilla the rabbit into a Plushy doll which the Metarex snatched up immediately and ran off with it. The Metarex left after they found out they couldn't find the one Chaos Emerald that they had.
They all searched for Rouge after the huge battle to find out if she survived the explosion from Gray rose's blast. After 10 minutes of searching, they only found that all that was left of her was her head. They began to cry over the friend they lost to the Metarex, until Tails had an idea. He told them "I know she may have died, but with some technology I stole from Eggman, I could rebuild her body, it may be hard but I think with this new thing, I could bring her back to life!" They all cheered and hoped it would work. Tails then said "we should get to work, It won't work if she is dead for long." So they began to give their friend a new body and help her with.
End of Part 12
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Post by selina on Jun 19, 2007 20:03:22 GMT
This is Part 13, the part where Rouge gets a new body.
Part 13
Tails went straight to work on Rouge's new body. He constantly worked for hours while preserving Rouge's head in an odd looking tube. He used multiple life support systems, heavy armor and other things he stole from Eggman to hopefully revive Rouge. After a day of working, Tails took the head out of the tube and hooked it up to her new body. It looked a lot like a metal version of Rouge's old body, except for it had stronger boots and extending legs for better kicks, upgraded pick nails for digging, Jet feet and wings for improved flying and gliding, extra strength enough to lift a car, a rocket launcher built onto her back, a grappling hook on her wrist, and laser beam weapons in her palms. Tails hooked the head up the wires and tubes to Rouge's spinal cord and brain, then started her up. Everyone was enlightened to see her alive.
Rouge woke up and said, "huh where am I"
Tails told her "you got blown up by the Metarex, we managed to save your head, then hook it up to this new cyborg body to keep you alive, it is equipped with numerous weapons and other gadgets to help it become better than your old body, it even powers up when you insert a Chaos emerald into these niches, if it weren't for me, you'd be dead."
Rouge asked, "So I am a cyborg now?" She went on with "Oh, I will make those Metarex pay for blowing up my old body, I'll show them who is boss." Rouge played around and trained with her new mechanical body. She especially liked the grappling hook and extending legs. She stepped out and told her friends, "I am ready to get my revenge!" So they went out on a search for the next Chaos Emerald for them.
End of part 13
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Post by Olivia on Jun 21, 2007 2:13:03 GMT
She is more powerful now, but I hope she can bear to have a metallic heart.
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Post by selina on Jun 21, 2007 13:03:29 GMT
I guess she will have to get used to it, because her old body is done for. I got this idea after seeing an episode of Sealab 2021 where they transfor thier brains into robotic bodies and I though woudn't it be cool if Rouge had to do that because her old body was blown up? She will have to find Chaos emeralds now and she powers up each time she puts one inside of her niches inside of her new body, sort of like Emerl does. She does have a heart of machinery now, but her normal brain is still there and she still has all of her memories and can still love someone even though her old heart is gone. I now have a major writers block now, because I don't know where they will find the next chaos emerald and how they will save Vanilla after she was turned into a plushy doll, which Cream is heartbroken over now. I might put Eggman in with him rebuilding the entire E-series including the E-series such as Funfun, Misssile wrist, and, Octoron, but after that, I don't know. Maybe I could shift back to Dandelion and Weed's crew or the Ultimate Seedrian's crew again. Could someone please give me ideas.
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Post by §Tsunami§ on Jun 22, 2007 22:48:04 GMT
I suppose I could help a fellow writer. I don't know how you write things about unoriginal characters, its difficult for me to take someone else's character and write stories on them. As for the major writer's block, instead of thinking so hard, you may just want to stop thinking so much about it. Some of the best ideas come when you're not thinking at all. An idea, anyhow, would be to eventually connect the three crews the story has followed, or make the three meet, where A: The Climax may take place, or B: they simply meet, and a random event occurs, or C:some major, but unclimatic battle takes place. Avoid too many villains, as for it is easy for them to not be very good if you can't make one very good. Be careful when you shift to different characters that aren't of the three crews (beside the major villain) because it could also confuse the story. Hopefully, the writer's block can wear off soon, but if it doesn't, just don't think on it too hard then, and perhaps other ideas besides these may come.
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